And Now a Few Words from our Sponsor

Is it me, or is the amount of commercials being aired before you actually get to view a movie increasing? The other day I took my son to see Battle: Los Angeles. He’s a huge Halo fan, and we were both really looking forward to seeing this film. We knew it was recently released, so we wanted to make sure we got there early enough to get a good seat. We allowed time for traffic, getting the tickets, and buying some food, and were successfully in our seats (middle tier center baby, yeah!) fifteen minutes before the movie was scheduled to start. Great timing, or at least I thought.

The commercials of course were already playing, not actual video mind you, but photo ads, very common practice. No biggie, great time to bond with son and catch up. People were still entering the theater and everyone appeared to be in a good mood. We hold off on eating our food to make sure we have something to pick on during the movie. Then, the lights dim and they cut from the picture ads to the video ads. Most people are now talking in a low whisper and begin to shut off their cell phones. Did I just say cell phones? I think I’m dating myself.

Is it time to dig into my popcorn yet? No, be patient, the movie is scheduled to start at 7:00, it’s only 6:55, hold out five more minutes; or at least until they get to the previews. I love the previews. So I sit back and the marathon of ads begin.  Hey there’s one for Coke, of course, you wouldn’t be in a movie theater if you didn’t see an ad for Coke. Speaking of which, I’m thirsty, I think I’ll have a sip of my Diet Coke … got to watch those calories. Who am I kidding, as I sit there with my large tub of popcorn filled with bunch-a-crunch (don’t judge until you try it).

Hey there’s one with a hamster, or is that a guinea pig, (I could  never tell the difference), doing rap, “you can give her this, or you can give her that.” Funny, but why a hamster needs to drive a car – a Kia, no less – I’m not sure I follow the connection. And why is he singing about being a black sheep … he’ a hamster wearing a jump suit. No matter, funny, catchy jingle, stuck in my head. Alright, I’ve seen about six ads in a row, we must be getting close to the previews. I look down at my popcorn and I see that the chocolate has melted. Crap, that’ll be messy. Good thing I have my Diet Coke. By the way … condensation on the side of the cup is useful for cleaning your hands.

Ba ba bap ba baaaa, I’m loving it. Yeah, and ad for McDonald’s, haven’t seen one of those since I left the house. What I’m not loving is the wait. I look down at my watch and it’s now 7:10. What? The movie was supposed to start at 7:00. We haven’t even gotten to the previews yet … love the previews. The smell of popcorn is becoming over powering … must maintain control, ah, what’s a few pieces. I still got the whole bucket. Uh oh, now I’m thirsty. I better have another sip of my delicious Diet Coke. Whoa, soda’s almost empty … better hold out. The ads have got to end soon. The previews must be right around the corner. You know how I feel about the previews. Three more ads crawl by and I think they’re finally done.

Hooray, I made it! Preview time. The curtain draws down a touch more – dramatic, and the lights get even dimmer, and … oh wait, another coke commercial. Man, now I have to use the bathroom. I’m going to miss the previews.

I run to the lobby, use the facilities, and make it back inside. I ask my son what I missed. He tells me I only missed a few, Pirates IV, and Captain America. Damn, best ones! No worries, there will be some others to get excited about. Well about five more previews and another ten minutes and they finally wrap up all the previews. I’m sick of previews.

I look at my watch and it’s now almost 7:30. What? 7:30? The movie was supposed to start at 7:00.  No matter, the curtains have drawn in yet again, and the lights are as dim as they can be. Oh, this is it, I think we’re about to begin. Another Coke commercial?!? For the love of God … wait, I think it’s ended. Yes, the ads have stopped. The movie is about to begin! Now, give me that popcorn, oh wait it’s gone.


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