Are You a Man-Child? – J. A. Bove

What kind of man are you? Me personally – I’m a husband, a father, and a provider for my family, yet for many years I have been called a man-child. Not by those who may know me in the workforce, or even by casual acquaintances, but by the ones who know me best. And I have to admit, they’re probably right. Is this a bad thing? I don’t think so, but what do I know. I’m biased.

Is it that I have a Peter-Pan complex and I’m afraid to grow up? Who knows, I don’t believe that to be the case. I work hard and take my job very seriously. I always pay my bills on time and ensure to save appropriately for the future. I don’t shirk responsibility; I do what needs to be done to take care of my family. So why the label? Just because a man enjoys the simple pleasures of a good cartoon program, a funny t-shirt, and likes to buy expensive toys, does that truly make you a man-child? Below is a simple quiz I’ve created with myself as the guinea pig of this life long study on the subject to answer the all-important self-discovering question … Are you a man-child?

Dress – Do you keep up with all the latest fashions and know who the latest designers are, or do you think Tommy Hilfiger is just some dude who wrote his name on a shirt like your mother did for you when you were younger? Do you like to wear suits, or do you feel the only need to wear a suit is in front of a judge? Do you wear slacks in the home, or blue jeans? Given the opportunity to buy a new shirt would you opt for the button down with a fancy label, or the t-shirt with a funny picture of Homer Simpson on the front? If you go to a sporting event, are you dressed in a polo with the team logo discreetly labeled on the shirt, or do you wear a team jersey? If you answered yes to the former part of each question, no worries my friend, you are a man. If you answered yes to the latter part of each question … hmm, interesting. Let’s continue.

Food – When given an opportunity to go out to a restaurant, do you go to one with a waiter, or do you prefer to wait on-line? If you’re forced to attend an upscale restaurant do you order something to challenge the taste buds and expand your horizons, or do you choose something that could be found in the kid’s meal section? At dinner, would you prefer a glass of wine, or a soda? If (dare I say it) you find yourself in a fast food restaurant do you order the adult meal and super-size it, or do you order the kids meal because it has a cool toy? Again, for those of you who answered yes to the first part of each questions, congratulations. I see some hair growing out of your chest. For those of you who answered yes to the latter …  come on, we’re almost done. I got some more exciting questions for you.

Entertainment – After a long day of work, do you put on the television and watch the evening news to catch up on the day’s events, or do you watch Sports Center? Do you prefer to watch CNBC, CNN, and FOX News, or do you watch ESPN, Cartoon Network, and FX? When you read the Sunday paper, do you read the business section and headline news, or do you read the sports page and the comics? When reading a book, do you like to educate yourself and learn new things, or do you read fiction? When going to a movie with your spouse, do you let her choose the movie, something tasteful, a good drama perhaps, or do you choose a vulgar comedy and go for the quick laugh? Former answers, bravo sir! You truly are a man of refinement. Latter answers, who’s my big boy? You made it through the quiz. What? You didn’t know it was a quiz … of course you didn’t, and it wasn’t. Now go get a cookie.

I could go on, but really, what’s the point? If you don’t know which you are by now, you never will. To the real men of the word, I apologize. I know this wasn’t a true scientific measure by any means, but remember I’m dealing with the attention deficit man-child. Now go get yourself some scotch, puff on that cigar, and discuss politics, for you sir, are the most interesting man in the world. For the man-child, don’t feel so bad. You know being a fellow man-child myself I have to admit; it’s a hell of a lot of fun. So let’s go grab a beer, pick-up that joystick, and God forbid, don’t forget to wear that good luck jersey!


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